Friends will be friends

But how many real friends do you need? Social media can be responsible for exaggerating the number of “friends“ and showcasing yourself as the most popular person to know; however, who are the ones that you will call in that moment of need? It’s fair to say that most people can count on one hand the number of good friends that they can rely on.  These friends are essential and worth nurturing.  You don’t need many; perhaps knowing one person out there who thinks of you and has your back is enough to make you feel supported and confident.

Friends come in many forms, and by your fifties, you have probably circumnavigated a few hundred acquaintances through work, school, children or social situations that have come and gone. Some have stayed, and some I have lost communication with.  In some instances, for many years, only to rekindle old friendships as a quite glorious and rewarding new relationship.

Other than the die-hard best friends that you will jump in the car in your pyjamas to support in a crisis, your life is probably enriched with good friends from many areas.

There’s my Ol’ School friends.  I’m not talking about those I went to school with, although I would imagine these would fall in the same category.  These are the friends I cut my teeth with.  My longest serving.  Had my first cigarette with, my first kiss and got up to no good in those Halcyon Days.  Probably could expand here, but to save my integrity, you can join the dots.

I love these friends. They make me laugh, and I have that warm feeling from knowing each of them so well. That and they would show up for pretty much anything, especially a good party.  Some are those that I trust with secrets and subjects that are hard to talk about, but mainly, I can be myself and laugh at myself candidly.  Out of those, there will be friends I made godparents, bridesmaids and other significant bond-forming situations.  They’re not going anywhere soon.

Settling down at some point in your life shifts the dynamics of your circle of friends, and it can be quite dramatic. As we take on the lifestyle of a partner, we are not only introduced to possibly a new set of friends, but our relationship with our single friends can equally change.  Not all of our friends are going to choose life partners with whom we are naturally akin.  Furthermore, when we add babies and children into the mix, the landscape with former friends can take on many challenges. It is only natural that we develop friendships in more diverse situations that align with common situations, be that of children or new experiences.

My children’s friends’ parents provided a huge social situation during school days, especially before senior school.  I found it harder to make friends at the school gates from 11 or 13, but the pre-school friends are generally local and now fall into dinner parties, dog walks and regular coffees.  These friends became sounding boards, mainly for navigating school gate politics, but other important decisions, such as insights into raising children or, in my case, a friendly reminder that there was a school occasion that I needed a costume of some description magically prepared overnight so my child wasn’t left or singled out.

Our lives and interests become embellished with friends that we meet not just socially but through all manner of avenues, be it exercise classes, the classroom, church, or clubs. Having recently celebrated 20 years of our book club, discussing topics initiated through reading hundreds of books, we have formed an unbreakable bond.  We’ve had divorces, marriages, house moves, grief and many, many laughs to set us sail on the next 20 years.

Enjoying a healthy career through those days will enable you to empathise with the experience of juggling demanding work engagements with the school run.  However, it can be a saving grace.  Forming friendships within my industry, most of whom, if not all, are still firm friends today. The support given through work colleagues acts as mirrors, reflecting strengths and capabilities that would not come from social situations. Through shared experiences and mutual encouragement, these friends are those who give you the courage to embrace new challenges and pursue personal growth.

In more recent years, exploring hobbies and embracing interests, new acquaintances have emerged.  These friends have become more significant in our lives at our age as our interests are aligned; whether exploring new hobbies, attending cultural trips, concerts or yoga retreats, there have been lasting memories made whilst adding a sense of fulfilment and joy.  Picking up friends at this stage can be equally rewarding as responsibilities shift and children grow independent.  We often find ourselves with more time to explore the world. Friends become ideal holiday partners, turning vacations into opportunities for adventure, relaxation, and shared discovery. Travelling with friends provides a unique experience that strengthens the bond and creates cherished memories. I’ve just come back from a spontaneous last-minute girls’ trip to Ibiza.  Meeting half the ladies for the first time at the airport; who would have known? We’re all on a WhatsApp group for the next trip, whether that ever happens, meeting new friends was a highlight amongst the fun and laughter.

It’s daunting navigating the complexities of life past our forties and fifties. For most of us, the opportunity to discuss anything from menopause to ageing parents to challenges of children, interested and uninterested partners, is therapy.  Close friends are our own personal “agony aunts.” These trusted confidantes offer advice, lend a listening ear, and provide perspectives that help arrive at solutions to challenges. The shared laughter and occasional tears create bonds that stand the test of time.  If you have just one friend you can call in the middle of the night, hold onto that person.

What on earth would we do without them!