What is Love?

Whether you are a romantic or a sceptic, Valentine’s Day offers a moment to pause and reflect on love in all its forms. Is it overshadowed by marketing and commercialism? Of course. Should every day be a day to express love? Undoubtedly. But perhaps we shouldn’t take it too seriously. It is one day of the year centred on hearts, flowers, sentiment and connection. And there is something undeniably enduring and sweet about that.

Valentine’s Day is no longer confined to romantic love alone. Modern celebrations embrace friendships, family bonds and self-love. From Galentine’s lunches celebrating female friendships to heart-shaped dog biscuits for our loyal four-legged companions, most of us have someone, or something, we think of fondly when the world quietens at night.

What is Love?

As William Shakespeare famously wrote, “Love is merely a madness.” Without love, musicians, artists and writers would be left bereft of inspiration. How often do we associate a relationship with a particular song or poem? How often do we feel compelled to write simply to articulate those inexplicable emotions?

More than an emotion, love frequently defies logic. It is endlessly analysed yet remains one of humanity’s greatest mysteries. There is no clear formula explaining why we fall in love. Each experience is entirely unique. Researchers continue to study behaviour and biology, attempting to use science to explain that elusive “spark” when two people connect.

Love is a Drug

When we fall in love,  or endure heartbreak, our bodies undergo profound chemical reactions. Love is not purely emotional; it is also deeply biological. Our brains respond to a physiological need for intimacy, commitment and passion. Romantic love is not simply the fantasy of poets and artists; it is a fundamental human drive, as essential as sleep, nourishment or touch. Social pressures may shape how love is expressed, but the instinct to seek connection is universal.

Our brains are designed to recognise opportunity and anticipate reward. The phenomenon often described as “love at first sight” is driven by immediate attraction, fuelled by heightened levels of dopamine and testosterone, both strongly linked to desire and lust. When we anticipate seeing someone we are deeply drawn to, dopamine encourages us to invest energy and attention. It creates an intoxicating sense of exhilaration. An infatuation marked by intense attraction, excitement at a message notification, or simply the joy of seeing their name appear.

Sustaining love, however, requires a different chemistry. Oxytocin, often called the bonding hormone, allows relationships to deepen beyond initial attraction. Alongside oxytocin, endorphins released through laughter and shared experiences create calmness, comfort and emotional security. It perhaps explains why humour is so often considered essential in a successful relationship.

Justify my Love

Love built on friendships is often considered the most profound. Already an established history of support, shared jokes and understanding these lasting bonds create a natural transition. Lasting connections generally find their way to overcome challenges by simply not just being built on infatuation.

For those fortunate enough to have experienced passionate love, the memory is unmistakable.  That intense longing, the idealisation, the deep desire for closeness. At its height, love can cloud judgment and blur logic. In striving to make another person happy, we can sometimes unintentionally lose parts of who we are. Passionate love is rare and extraordinary. When it finds you, run towards it. But remember, every so often, to glance back, simply to check in with yourself, ensuring you have not been left quietly by the wayside, or mistaken the red flags for a glittering carousel.

Broken Hearts

When love falters or disappears, the emotional aftermath can be overwhelming. The chemistry that once elevated us can mirror the withdrawal symptoms associated with addiction. Heartbreak activates the same neurological pathways associated with physical pain, which helps explain why loss can feel so profoundly distressing.

Valentine’s Day, if nothing else, offers possibility: love from afar, quiet admiration, or the hopeful yearning for connection. Yet love is not always returned. Is that not the anticipation of Valentine’s? The unknown. Unrequited love remains one of life’s bitterest emotional experiences.

No one wants to swallow that pill.

Life itself can be demanding. Many of us carry invisible burdens. Love can lighten that load. Feeling valued, cherished and understood is arguably one of life’s greatest rewards.

Whether the heady rush of love is displayed or tucked away and elusive on Valentine’s Day, romance is generally in our hearts and I therefore, stand by the sentiment.  Whether in the heart-shaped cupcakes or the sea of red cards with quirky love messages lining the aisles, or quiet acts of kindness, I see that on this wintry, rainy weekend, love is all around us.

Despite analysis and research, love remains gloriously indefinable.  An inexhaustible source of inspiration, comfort and hope.

And perhaps that is exactly as it should be.